I tried to get you to see your blessings in me. The reasons why you’re In-Love and needed me. The happiness and how special we both can be. together. But disgust is all you wanted to see; your image of me to be.

Can't win.

Maybe this was to help you not wanting to be with me. Tired of creating my excuses for you for all the wrongs you do. So I tell myself I’m through with you. I keep telling myself I’m through with you. I know you’re thinking this is laughable. I think Pathetic was the word you use to use; to describe the way I feel. when I describe the way I fell for you. I admit I needed you, but I guess hating you is what I needed to do. To help me, I just go back into my past of everything you did and do. I’m better this, I’m better than that, I AM better than you. I tell myself these things, So my head can get rid of the pleasure and good I found and see in you.

Frustration.

No excuses, but excuse is all I have in my heart to use. Maybe it's stress, maybe it's too much death, maybe I felt emotional and have nothing left. Maybe it's growing old with regrets. Or maybe it was you cheating and deceiving me not thinking you'll ever do that, not knowing you’d never do that. And I guess this started my ripple effect; mentally and physically, that I didn't expect. A definition of a fool, I guess. See what you did it blindsided me and it changed my mind, and it turn me emotionally into a wreck.

Help.

This pain and these negative things and thoughts of you were turning me into someone I didn't recognize; someone I couldn't respect, someone I didn't respect. I thought I was stronger than this, stronger then that, “I just don’t care anymore". I keep telling myself this, but it's just a lie. I guess to hide the fact that i was...

In-Love.

I was finally vulnerable. I told you all my sorrows, all my pains and believing and knowing you’ll never have/had my back; maybe once or twice, if that; maybe once or twice, If that.

Sympathy?

Tired of sending you subliminal messages in my writings so you'll understand my thoughts of thinking of you. So you’ll understand my stories and all of my faults, but I guess you were more concerned about hurting me, and/or me being embarrassed and/or caught. Loved you still
Confused. But understand boo.

I know what you wanted and yes I wanted it too; especially with you. But what you didn’t understanding is that I wanted our trust, before that nine months of us. The 18 years of a must. And forgive me, but I didn't want to have my baby out of unforgiven and just needed lust; and make a statistic of us.

I'm Sorry.

Too much damage, too many negatives. So why do I still feel that I only find peace in the arms of only you? In just being around you? The dumb things I guess only love makes you do. Or some might say it's KALOPSIA, yes my delusion, my confusion is my heart for you.